I want this for us so bad, I weep with the
thought of the want sometimes.
OK, so I have realized that I am not a patient person.
Let me go deeper into this and tell you how I came to this brilliant conclusion.
My husband and I have one of those "All about Us" books. we purchased it and filled it out on our 1 year anniversary of meeting. and while we headed out to the laundry tonight to dry our still wet work clothes, I grabbed it off of the entertainment centers shelf and thought I would go back and read our entries and see how they pertained 5 1/2 years later. and the majority of those answers held true thru the years, and a few changed, but what I found myself doing was remembering how I filled that book out so much faster than Ryan because I wanted to be finished with it so I could read our answers and compare them and have this piece of history in my hands and how he took his time with his answers. and I remembered not being patient and trying to help him with his questions, and getting frustrated when he wasn't fast enough for my tastes.
and mind you; I'm re-reading this book while I'm waiting for laundry to dry, and I keep looking up to check the timer on the dryer. ask me what was so pressing; nothing. I had nothing to do at home (a rare thing let me tell you), didn't have to go to bed early because I don't work until 10am tomorrow, and it was early enough in the evening that I didn't feel like I was running into Ryan's sleep time (HE does work early). I wasn't patient enough with the timer on the dryer.
and looking back now, I can see my non-patient ways on the past few days easily.
Patience may be a virtue, but it is not one that I have.
so it can come as no shock that I am having issues with this "trying to get pregnant" stuff for the past 2 years.
that's right, you read it right; 2 years. 730 days. 104 weeks. 24 months. enough time to carry 2 children to term if we were to get pregnant back to back.
and frankly I'm tired of being patient.
So; this is my blog I guess. I've had a lot of bad advice along the way, and frankly, I've felt pretty alone the whole way (though I do know that Ryan is with me the whole time) and when I get frustrated with someone or something; I'm quick to post it on facebook. But I've been told that I've said some things that would be hurtful.
Please don't be so sensitive and get hurt by something you read on here. I am woman enough that if I have a problem with you, I'll say it to you. So, if your sensibilities are upset easily by bad language or you're one of those people who think everything is about you; then please find another blog to read, but thanks for stopping by.
but i need a venue to vent and cry and scream and laugh and love on, and this is my choice. if something hits you deep inside, please comment. let me know that I'm not alone out here. My husband is a great guy, but he doesn't get it sometimes. and while some people do understand, most of them don't.
OK, I've been going on a tangent here, and lets get back to patience.
I need to learn it, and I'm trying.
but, this morning there was a BFN.
f-me. really?!?! I've been nauseous for 2 days now. and i know that its in my head now. but still. why can't we be prego now. I'm done waiting. I'm done with the doctors appointments, pills, acupressure, acupuncture, books, prayers, good thoughts, karma beads, journals, temp takings, ovulation microscope taking, no caffeine, no chocolate, no heavy lifting, blah blah blah.
patience; how I hate the idea of you.
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