this email I recieved from my dearest of family touched me so deeply that as I read it and re-read it over and over agin, I cry. Each time I read it, I cried the kind of soul clearing kind of cry you don't get that often but always seem to need. I love you Jaime! Thanks for the light in my dark tunnel.

"Brandee~~
The one thing I don't ever want you to do is apologize for how you feel. You have the right to your feelings and to express them and anyone who knows and loves you will understand this. If you need to scream and cry, then dammit, you've earned that right. First and foremost you are not alone. Many nights I've woken up with a dream of holding a baby in my arms. It thrills me and scares me. It thrills me because this is what I want most someday.  It scares me because all of the women in my family have had horrible, difficult pregnancies and miscarriages. I know that when the whole world seems to be having 5 children without batting an eyelash, and it's the one thing you want MOST and it isn't happening, it can make you feel like you are broken. You are not broken. Stewart and I continue to pray for that baby to make it's way to you and Ryan to give you the happiness you deserve. Stewart and I are here for you.  Remember, you are not alone. Anything you need, anytime, I am here. You want to talk about, cry about it, laugh about, I am here. Not only do I understand you, I feel your emotions. I can feel the pain you are going through and that it is breaking your heart. I refuse to stand by and let it break YOU. Keep your faith that you are Ryan will have the family you dream of.
With a LOT of love,
Jamie"